Therapy Session I: DIAGNOSIS

by Prof. Ludwig Von Drake

How do you do!?  A few months ago, your Host and I were discussing the conditions of the “World” and in the middle of the conversation we started comparing notes.  Just for the record, I’ve been out of the physiology office for decades so restarting was a bit of a challenge, especially when a 300-Acre patient came-in to the office…

THERAPY NOTES: 

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

A not-too-young woman walked into my office today and it was obvious that she needed a little help. I could tell from her appearance alone that something was a little “off.” She was very attractive, but the clothes she was wearing were less than age-appropriate. It was also obvious that her hair was suffering from some chemical damage and was a touch on the frizzy side. I could also tell from the confused look in her eyes that she was practically beside herself with worry.

FAMILY BACKGROUND

She sat down on the chair and proceeded to tell me her problems. When she was born her parents could not have been more excited to bring her into this world. They had tried to conceive her for decades and, finally circumstances were right to have this, their third child. Even before she was born, they knew she would be different, and had planned her birth accordingly. Her parents are very famous and as such her birth was national news and was a cover story on virtually every magazine and news paper. It was a media storm unlike any her family had ever seen! 

DEVELOPMENTAL PSYCHOSIS

Flash-Forward a few short years and her parents started to notice that she had a few developmental challenges and wasn’t progressing as fast as her older sisters. Her older sisters were extremely popular (almost from birth), and being the youngest of a family dynasty she was expected to perform well. Because of their experience in raising successful children, her parents had some high (and perhaps unrealistic) expectations. Unfortunately, the inevitable comparisons took place and her parents were ill equipped to deal with such a unique child. So, her parents did the only thing they knew to do- they began to raise her like she was one of her big sisters; dressing her the same way, treating her in the same manner, and even making her act like she was one of them. In her natural state, this young woman had unconventional good looks; very shy, but extremely intelligent. (Her IQ was more than double that of her sisters’!)

At the tender age of 13, she began behaving (and looking) a lot differently. She began wearing numerous multicolored accessories. And most importantly her whole out-look on life changed. Before entering adolescence, her perspective was much more optimistic and far reaching. Conversely, her present attitude was younger and all about the here-and-now.  She became extremely superficial, and confusing. People would look at her and see a mature sophisticated young woman behaving like a puerile teenager.  

DIAGNOSIS

In the end, there was only one diagnosis that would explain her problem, Acute Identity Crisis. Yes, that’s what it was! Her condition is the result of multiple factors. The most profound of these, was brought upon by her parents. In their eyes, her major fault was that she was not her sisters. And as a result of this “failure” she decided that she would do everything possible to become her sisters. This includes adopting their sensibilities, their tastes in entertainment, even receiving cosmetic enhancements to appeal to the same people that were attracted to her older siblings. 

TREATMENT

BE YOURSELF! That’s probably putting it far too simply, that’s the most succinct way to describe her treatment. The biggest challenge is to convince both herself and her parents of one simple fact… She Is Not Her Sisters! In many ways, her goals, her out-look on life, and her message to the world is far greater that anything any of her siblings have ever accomplished. For you see, while her older (and younger) sisters are out there being fanciful, and taking people places that don’t exist, she has the ability to transport people to exotic but real places. Most importantly, unlike her escapist relatives, she offers new solutions to the many problems facing society today.  It is my ultimate hope that she will one day very soon recommit to her original goals and not only “Entertain” but once again “Inform, and Inspire”.

In Therapy Session II: The Cure, we’ll look at just some of the solutions need to restore balance to this still young but troubled woman.